Insert Sofia Vergara Golden Globes Double Entendre Here

Brace yourselves, this post is going to be as long as it took Jacqueline Bisset to finally get to her acceptance speech, because everyone looked so good this list is going to be like 50 people long.

You guys. I can’t even. It’s like all the stars were reading this blog last week and were like “huh, Jill wasn’t wowed by any of the stars at the People’s Choice Awards I’d better bring my A game.” And then everyone did – because oh my god it’s impossible to pick a Best Dressed. I was screaming at the TV all night long: the gowns, the handsome men, all the hilarious jokes from Amy and Tina. It was basically like what the majority of Boston was doing the previous night during the Patriots game. Award season is basically my World Series, Stanley Cup, Superbowl, NBA Finals and whatever they do for soccer all rolled into one. Want to know why? Because pretty much every Sunday from now until the Oscars there will be some event where they give away awards to pretty people. I mean, next week is the SAG Awards and the week after is the Grammys. So I hope you don’t have too much to do at work on Mondays because I’m going to be taking up a lot of your time.

Without further ado, here are (in my opinion) the looks we need to talk about the most:

Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung.

Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung.

In watching the red carpet interview, Zoe mentioned that Prabal texted her and said he made that dress and she’d be the only one who could pull it off. She said she was so moved by it that she felt like she had to wear the dress. Even she wasn’t convinced…I know I said, like, one paragraph ago that everyone looked amazing, but I can’t get behind this. There’s too much going on…Maybe it’s the sheer lining, the different patterns or the draped shoulders. Zoe tends to wear really high-fashion dresses, but this falls flat for me.

Emma Roberts in Lanvin.

Emma Roberts in Lanvin.

Look, I know Emma Roberts just got engaged and is making very adult decisions, but girl is 22 and this dress does not let you know it. You know who this would look amazing on? Julia Louis-Dreyfuss. But I do love the earrings, I’m always a huge fan of statement earrings, particularly when they contrast so vividly. Emma, dress your age and you’ll do wonders, rather than just basic.

Kate Beckinsale in Zuhair Murad.

Kate Beckinsale in Zuhair Murad.

I get it, you can put Kate Beckinsale in a paper bag and she’d look unbelievably amazing. So does it surprise anyone that she shows up looking as baller as she does? I love the ombre metallic, something I can’t believe I’m saying because normally that phrase would make me cringe, but it really works here. Also, she’s 40 years old and looks about 23, so for that alone I say “get it, girl.”

Julia Roberts in Dolce & Gabbana.

Julia Roberts in Dolce & Gabbana.

Julia Roberts, your makeup is flawless, but I can’t let this dress get past. While it’s very reminiscent of Sharon Stone in her (now ex) husband’s Gap shirt and a gorgeous skirt, it’s just blah here. I know you’re getting older and love to be comfortable, but honestly if this didn’t have the shirt, it would be a knock out of the park. Instead, I fear that it will end up on a lot of Worst Dressed lists today.

Taylor Swift in Carolina Herrera.

Taylor Swift in Carolina Herrera.

Is it just me, or is this dress a little too big for Taylor Swift on top? Regardless, I am so happy to see her wearing this color. I’d describe it as a fruit punch, and it looks great against her complexion and blonde hair. Also – did she get a haircut recently? This is definitely one of the better looks of the evening for me, and again, you know how I love looking for excuses to knock Tay Tay down.

Jennifer Lawrence in Dior.

Jennifer Lawrence in Dior.

As I mentioned last week, white and black are a major trend right now. However, am I the only one who thinks this dress is a little too reminiscent of her dramatic Dior gown at the Oscars? Granted, she can at least walk in this one so we have that as a difference. It just didn’t wow me, maybe because I keep thinking of the Dior gown and its crazy drama from last year. I know Jennifer always wears Dior since she’s one of the faces, but I think she should go a bit more daring next time around.

Naomi Watts in Tom Ford.

Naomi Watts in Tom Ford.

Naomi Watts is basically like Benjamin Button. She keeps looking younger the more she ages. At 45 years old and after popping out two kids, she looks better than ever. I’m also loving the fact that she took an already glitzy dress and doubled down by wearing a killer statement necklace. And yet it doesn’t over do the look, it just makes it that much better.

Lupita Nyong'o in Ralph Lauren.

Lupita Nyong’o in Ralph Lauren.

I once dedicated a post to my love of Lupita Nyong’o’s style, and I feel like I’ll need to write another one after award season is over if she keeps dressing like this. It’s reminiscent of Gwyneth Paltrow’s white Tom Ford cape dress, except Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t wearing it and the vibrant red is insane. Lupita definitely is one of my picks for Best Dressed of the evening, this Ralph Lauren gown reminds us she’s a style force to be reckoned with.

Sofia Vergara in Zac Posen.

Sofia Vergara in Zac Posen.

There are two things you can be sure of whenever Sofia Vergara is on a red carpet: she’ll be dripping in expensive jewelry and her boobs will be out. I know, I also could have told a boob joke there. Sure enough, here we are! I do have to say, Sofia typically dresses for her INSANE body by wearing a mermaid style, so I’m really proud of her for switching it up. Although she might not agree, saying that she felt like she could be smuggling Colombians under her dress. I, on the other hand, love the mega star volume. Tres chic!

Paula Patton in Stephane Rolland Couture.

Paula Patton in Stephane Rolland Couture.

Okay, speaking of volume…YEEZUS. Paula, what were you thinking?! Is Robin Thicke hiding in that ruffle? Not only was this dress so dramatic, it wasn’t even movable. Paula struggled to walk while wearing this gown. I am willing to put money on the table and say that this dress will be on all of the Worst Dressed lists tomorrow. Seriously, this is something even a mother couldn’t love, and the mother of this dress is a cockatoo.

Sandra Bullock in Prabal Gurung.

Sandra Bullock in Prabal Gurung.

NOOOOOO. Sandra Bullock, what are you doing? You normally look so amazing. Did you call Paula Patton by chance so you knew you could wear this and still not be considered the WORST dressed? I’m just not feeling this. Whenever I saw her from the waist up, she looked okay, but the whole thing is just prom dress gone wrong. The shoes seal that deal. Why, Sandy, why?!

Olivia Wilde in Gucci.

Olivia Wilde in Gucci.

Excuse me, everyone, I’mma let you finish, but Olivia Wilde had the best pregnancy look OF ALL TIME. Oh my god. I can’t – it’s just too perfect for words. If I look even 1/18th as good pregnant as she does in this amazing Gucci dress, I’m getting knocked up tomorrow (just kidding). But seriously, I feel bad because while a ton of pregnant actresses brought it to the red carpet, no one looked this good. For me, Olivia ties with Lupita for Best Dressed. As my girl Bey would say: bow down, bitches.

Kate Mara in J. Mendel.

Kate Mara in J. Mendel.

Is it just me, or is Kate Mara straight off the spaceship with this dress? I like her much better as a brunette, and I feel like the hair and dress color just wash her out completely. I could have also done with more jewelry. Not a necklace, per se, but maybe some bangles or some statement earrings. Hell, even if she wore her hair down I think it would have been an improvement.

Emma Watson in Dior.

Emma Watson in Dior.

Emma Watson, you fashion daredevil. I’d be lying if I told you when I first saw this ensemble I didn’t think it included pants. I was like “oh, what a pretty red dress” and then Emma Watson was like BOOM! They’re Pants! And I was like YEAH! And then we high-fived with our minds. My only complaint is she’s wearing blue shoes with black pants. Emma, you know better than that.

Kerry Washington in Balenciaga.

Kerry Washington in Balenciaga.

Another pregnant woman and style maven, Kerry Washington looked totally precious as an excited mommy-to-be. I couldn’t help but smile when she gushed about her upcoming role, especially considering she’s notoriously private. Of course, then Olivia Wilde came and stole the show, but that’s not to diminish Kerry’s look. I can’t wait to see how she continues to dress her bump.

Julianna Margulies in Andrew Gn.

Julianna Margulies in Andrew Gn.

I have a feeling a lot of people will be split on this dress, but I really like it. Like Julianna said, she’s from New York, where it is most definitely winter, so she wanted to dress like it’s winter. I think she totally captured that. I’m also a huge fan of the black and gold combo, like always, and I can’t get over the perfect jewelry pairings as well. You go, Julianna.

Kaley Cuoco in Rani Zakhem.

Kaley Cuoco in Rani Zakhem.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say I don’t hate this. Don’t get me wrong, the makeup was awful. Like, Ke$ha from two years ago awful. However, I kind of like this dress. Not the clutch she paired with it, but the dress itself is pretty awesome. I say that knowing a lot of people will probably hate this, but I just like that she dared to try something different.

Amy Poehler in Stella McCartney.

Amy Poehler in Stella McCartney.

AMY POEHLER YOU ARE MY GODDESS IN EVERYTHING. But really, can Amy and Tina just host everything forever? And then she won for Parks and Recreation and I hope that is the ass kicking NBC needs to NOT cancel the show because it is gold. In all her comedic glory, Amy still had time to look drop dead fantastic in this sexy Stella McCartney gown.

Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera.

Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera.

Amy’s knock out of the park unfortunately outshone Tina Fey in this Carolina Herrera gown. However, I will say that Tina KILLED it in every dress she wore inside during the ceremony, so if she had to slack somewhere, I will allow it with this dress. I would have loved it a lot more if it didn’t have the reverse colors and exaggerated hips, so I’ll blame the dress and not Tina.

Amy Adams in Valentino.

Amy Adams in Valentino.

When I first saw this dress I loved it. And then I saw everyone else and now it’s just okay. I will say that I think it’s great that  she went retro, similar to her movie in American Hustle. Also, I totally liked the look a lot more form the side…not the biggest fan of the long chain necklace dangling with the plunging neckline. It was definitely a step away from her usual ball gown, so for that I say kudos.

Emilia Clarke in Proenza Schouler.

Emilia Clarke in Proenza Schouler.

Okay, when I first saw Emilia Clarke on the red carpet I was OBSESSED. And then I went to blog about it and noticed upon further inspection that she wore black shoes with a silver gown – which I guess I will allow – as well as gold bangles, which I HATE. Noooo mixing silver and gold like that. It’s fine if both aren’t statement pieces but this is just too much. The Proenza dress on its own is flawless, though, and even though I hate the peplum trend, I wouldn’t mind it if it always looked this good on people.

Lena Dunham in Zac Posen.

Lena Dunham in Zac Posen.

Fun fact: Lena Dunham and Zac Posen are childhood friends. He even designed her prom dress. I have to say, I think this is one of Lena’s better looks. Maybe it’s because I’m always a huge fan of stand-out yellow shades on a red carpet, but I think this works for Lena. I think it flatters her body in all the right ways, and her hair looks great even though it’s in that awkward growing-out stage.

Margot Robbie.

Margot Robbie in Gucci.

Margot Robbie is such an ugly woman. Like, I’m surprised they actually let her come outside. But seriously, for her first major red carpet, Margot killed it! I really liked her anything-but-basic white Gucci gown, and am always a huge fun of anyone who matches their shoes so perfectly to an accent (in her case, the jewels on her gown). I have a feeling this girl is going to be around for years to come.

Elisabeth Moss in J. Mendel.

Elisabeth Moss in J. Mendel.

The long mullet dress was a major trend on the red carpet (because everyone saw my Trend Tuesday on it over the summer), and while it worked for some, it did not for others. Elisabeth Moss was one of the lucky ones to look great, and I was so excited to finally see her dress great. I feel like she normally is so frumpy, so I’m pumped to see this gorgeous dress. Also, watching her interviews makes me kind of love her a lot, so I will be rooting for her from here on out. Art deco all the way!

Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta.

Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta.

See, now this is where the mullet dress falls flat. If only because of those shoes. I feel like this ensemble would look 10X better if worn with strappy heels, not these heavy spikes. It’s just way too much. Also, if the dress went straight down rather than the mullet cut. It’s too low of a raised hem, and it just feels out of place. With those two minor tweaks, this would have been great. Oh, and also getting rid of the hair flower.

Giuliana Rancic in Lorena Sarbu.

Giuliana Rancic in Lorena Sarbu.

I have to say: I LOVE Giuliana’s haircut. It goes perfectly with this princess-y dress. I’m so happy she wore a voluminous dress as opposed to her usual tight gown. This gives her such shape, and I think the hue is perfect for her skin color. I would say this is one of the best looks she’s ever had, and I hope she continues to bring it as she interviews the stars all season.

Reese Witherspoon in Calvin Klein Collection.

Reese Witherspoon in Calvin Klein Collection.

Is it just me or is Reese Witherspoon ageless? She looks the epitome of California cool, and while I’m still holding out a candle for her and Ryan Phillippe to get back together, I can’t ignore the fact that she’s never looked better since breaking up with him. Also, it’s clear that this dress doesn’t hide any flaws, so the fact that Reese, a mother of three, is rocking this so hard is a testament to just how great of shape she’s in. Loving the color as well.

Cate Blanchett in Armani Prive.

Cate Blanchett in Armani Prive.

Cate Blanchett always dresses for the sake of fashion, and I will never get tired of it. While it’s not one of my Best Dressed picks of the evening, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say I love this dress on her. She’s one of the few actresses who can take a dramatic dress and not let the dress wear her. Very few people could rock this Armani Prive gown quite like her.

Drew Barrymore in Marchesa.

Drew Barrymore in Marchesa.

If anyone was wearing this dress but a pregnant Drew Barrymore, I’d scream GET BACK IN THE LIMO! Yet, it somehow works on her. Maybe it’s because Drew is such a flower child anyway, or because the red and pink colors look amazing with her makeup and skin tone, but I didn’t hate this dress. I will say I hate the shoes, but I guess when you’re that pregnant, you go more for comfort, not for style.

Mila Kunis in Gucci Première.

Mila Kunis in Gucci Première.

This is hard for me, because I want to like this dress. Unfortunately, I have seen Mila kill it on the red carpet again and again (Black Swan award show circuit? Flawless). So this just doesn’t do it for me. Paired with the halter, the high neck and makeup totally ages her. However, I like the color of the dress on her, I just think it needed to be a little less harsh of a cut.

PHEW. Okay, so that’s 30 of the looks we saw on the red carpet last night, and it actually only scratched the surface – these were just the ones that stood out of the most for me (good and bad). I HAVE to ask: What did you think? Let us know your pick for Best Dressed in the comments! Also, anyone surprised by some of the winners last night? Andy Samberg has been my number one celebrity crush for a while, but even I was surprised he won. I love talking award shows, so feel free to chat! I’ll see you next week at this time to recap the SAG Awards (and the Grammys after that, so get comfortable in your office chair).

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