Beyonce Wasn’t On the Grammys Red Carpet But I Guess We Can Talk About These People…

Another weekend, another award show. Of course, the Grammys are definitely way more risque than the Golden Globes, SAGs, Oscars…well basically anything else. When the Grammys red carpet is out, you can expect to see skin, skin and more skin. Musicians are very creative people, which could be why they choose such out-there looks from time-to-time. I feel like a standout Grammys dress is always talked about way more than a standout dress at any award show. Unless of course you count Bjork’s swan dress at the Oscars. No one can top that, so STOP TRYING.

But seriously – Jennifer Lopez’s Versace dress? Yes, we’re still talking about it. So how did the stars fare this year? Eh, let’s call it a mixed bag because I can’t talk Beyonce since she skipped the red carpet SO SHE COULD PERFORM THAT AMAZING OPENER. Seriously, that performance took away any anger I was feeling that I couldn’t name her best dressed (though the dress she donned during the ceremony was pretty fierce). I couldn’t help but be a little letdown with everyone’s choice of attire…kind like when this happened:

HAHAHA.

HAHAHA.

^Things that will never not be funny to me.

Actually, there were a few people missing from the red carpet: Rihanna, Kanye and Kim, Lady Gaga, Selena Gomez,etc. Anyway, here’s everyone else:

Skylar Grey in Michael Costello.

Skylar Grey in Michael Costello.

I have to say, when I saw this from the side when she was making her way down the red carpet, I didn’t hate it. However, when I see it from the front I just say “guh.” The laser-cut leather is not a color that goes well with her skin tone. Also, pasties would have been a massive improvement – which was kind of my beef with Rihanna last year. Girls, you don’t need to wear a bra but at least cover the nips! It could do wonders.

Chrissy Teigen in Johanna Johnson.

Chrissy Teigen in Johanna Johnson.

I’m just going to come out and tell you that I’m really biased because I’m head-over-heels obsessed with Chrissy Teigen. She’s probably one of the funniest people in Twitter and I was so happy to see her dressing like the bombshell she is. Forget that it’s John Legend’s night, Teigen is FLAWLESS in this gorgeous gold gown from Johanna Johnson. This has Grammys written all over it, and not in a vulgar, in-your-face way. Bravo!

Kelly Osbourne in Badgley Mischka.

Kelly Osbourne in Badgley Mischka.

When I first saw this dress I was like “eh, kind of boring.” But then I found out that Kelly had this dress created specifically for her, and it featured a lot of details relating to Black Sabbath, including wearing her father’s cross necklace in the back. Once I found that out this dress definitely up in my ranking, because I thought it was so sweet to pay homage to her nominated father. There hasn’t been such a father-daughter moment for them since “Changes.”

Giuliana Rancic in Alex Perry.

Giuliana Rancic in Alex Perry.

I know I said Giuliana should stay away from the super body-con dresses in favor of more volume, but I immediately take that back because this dress is amazing. It’s interesting because watching live on the red carpet this definitely seemed to be a deeper red, definitely less orangey than it’s portrayed in this photo. This is totally appropriate for interviewing on the Grammys red carpet.

Paris Hilton in House of Milani.

Paris Hilton in House of Milani.

I refuse to believe Paris Hilton is a “musician” but since she’s sleeping with everyone just trying to get a record deal, here we are. Thanks to Birdman letting her be his plus one, we got to see Paris’ side ass. Which was a great opportunity if you are part of the 5% of humans who haven’t seen the sex tape – something new! Anyway, she gets my vote for worst dressed of the evening, but I guess that’s something she should be used to.

Tamar Braxton.

Tamar Braxton.

I really tried to find out who made this dress, but no one is reporting it. I have no idea who Tamar Braxton is or what songs she sings, but I’m going to guess that she’s Toni Braxton’s sister. Regardless, I’m really liking this dress on her. It’s such a great fit and I’m actually loving the pointy top. It really works with her sleek haircut, so hopefully she keeps impressing on future red carpets.

Sarah Hyland in Pucci.

Sarah Hyland in Pucci.

Thank you, Sarah Hyland. Thank you for getting back to being age-appropriate. This Emilio Pucci dress is so fun and perfect for a girl her age attending the Grammys. Hyland isn’t up for any awards at the show, so this is totally spot-on for a guest look. I feel like I can only say so much that black and white are huge for this season, but this looks fresh.

Alicia Keys in Armani Prive.

Alicia Keys in Armani Prive.

This gown is good in theory, but not in practice. Unfortunately for Alicia, who is a gorgeous woman, this dress just isn’t flattering in the least. I’m going to go ahead and blame the fabric on this, for the way that it falls, but it’s just not doing Alicia justice. This makes me sad because I usually like what she wears. I will say the hair and makeup are flawless, though.

Pink in Johanna Johnson.

Pink in Johanna Johnson.

To be honest, I had never heard of Johanna Johnson until Chrissy Teigen announced her as the designer of her dress. Come to find out Pink is wearing a creation of her’s as well, and is also killing it. Pink is such a badass, so it’s not surprising she chose a fiery red. The hue looks great with her complexion and hair color, and her cute arm candy doesn’t hurt her look, either.

Anna Kendrick in Azzaro.

Anna Kendrick in Azzaro.

I’m going to be honest, I really can’t stand Anna Kendrick. However, I will say this dress is pretty boss. Maybe it’s because I think of her as being usually “blah” that this sexy gown took me aback. I will say it’s not a knock out of the park, though. What are those shoes? They do not go with the full ensemble and for that I will have to deduct a few points.

Ciara in Pucci.

Ciara in Pucci.

Ciara is a really good friend of Peter Dundas, the designer for Emilio Pucci, so it’s no surprise that when she needed a dress to fit her growing bump, they collaborated. I mean, you could put Ciara in a paper bag and she’d still be gorgeous, so I don’t know why this would be a stretch. However, she was the only pregnant girl on the red carpet (that we know of) and I think she managed to beat out 90% of the non-pregnant women in terms of style.

Taylor Swift in Gucci.

Taylor Swift in Gucci.

Gucci is having a killer red carpet season – making many of my best dressed lists. Unfortunately for Taylor, she was not my best dressed of the night. I will say the dress is beautiful and her hair and makeup is flawless (you win yet another round, Swift), but I couldn’t help but feel like we’ve seen her wear a version of this dress numerous times, and for that reason it didn’t stand out to me.

Katy Perry in Valentino.

Katy Perry in Valentino.

I’m REALLY mad at myself right now. When I saw this dress during the couture presentations, part of me wanted to call it as the dress Katy Perry would choose for the Grammys. However, I played it cool and guessed Anne Hathaway would wear look 49 to the Oscars. Now Hathaway had better pull through because sure enough, my second prediction turned out to be true and I don’t have bragging rights. Also: props to Katy for getting this gown mere days after it was presented.

Amber Rose in Naeem Kahn.

Amber Rose in Naeem Kahn.

Amber Rose is super striking, and if I gave birth less than a year ago and looked like THAT, I would wear a skintight dress that flaunted all of my assets as well. However, I miss the days when she was dating Kanye, because she (unlike a certain Kardashian) could totally rock the avant-garde high fashion looks he would put her in. This is pretty, but it’s just kind of boring when I think of some of the other looks she’s worn over the years. But at the same time, she doesn’t have to date Kanye anymore, so I guess there’s that…

Sara Bareilles in Blumarine.

Sara Bareilles in Blumarine.

I want to like this dress, but the shoes aren’t letting me. They look just like the shoes I wore to the Sweethearts dance circa 2003. That was 10 years ago. Why are they still around? Also, I know it’s supposed to be a mullet dress, but the length is way too long in the back. The hem is dragging, and when you have a dress that already kind of looks messy, that makes it look even worse. I think it would have been 10x cuter as a mini.

Anna Faris in Fitriani.

Anna Faris in Fitriani.

There’s no denying this dress fits Anna Faris like a glove, and I really like the color on her. However, the entire look is just kind of blah. There’s nothing striking about this dress or her hair and she’s wearing very little jewelry. Also, again, the hem is too long. Seriously, just a couple of inches can do wonders, ladies. I little bit of tailoring can go a long way. A statement necklace would have uplifted this look so much.

Paula Patton in Armani.

Paula Patton in Armani.

Paula, whyyyyyy. You are such a gorgeous person, why must you dress so badly? You should have worn your pre-Grammys gown instead of this zebra disaster. And are those lions fighting on the top of your boobs? And why is the bottom sheer? Again, I wonder if this could have been saved if it was a mini dress. Although I guess this is a slight improvement from her Golden Globes dress, so let’s call it baby steps?

Madonna (and son David) in Ralph Lauren.

Madonna (and son David) in Ralph Lauren.

Serious question: is Madonna injured or is the crypt keeper finally coming to collect her youth? What’s with the cane? I will say that when I watched the red carpet and David said he wanted he and his mother to dress the same, I thought it was pretty adorable, so for that, I’ll refrain from trashing this. But just know this, Madonna, if this was on your own accord and your son wasn’t present I’d tell you to move on to your next “theme” stat.

Rita Ora in Lanvin.

Rita Ora in Lanvin.

I haven’t been this proud of Rita Ora since she broke up with Rob Kardashian. Metallics were everywhere, and yet I think this green shade is probably my favorite. The dress fits her perfectly, and I love how the green tone looks with her platinum blonde hair and complexion. Oh, and makeup is flawless as well. This is perfect for the Grammys, and for that, Rita Ora gets my coveted pick for best dressed of the evening. Suck it, everyone else who said Taylor Swift.

Pharrell Williams wearing a vintage Vivienne Westwood hat.

Pharrell Williams wearing a vintage Vivienne Westwood hat.

Pharrell is my first and only post dedicated to men’s fashion, but we must talk about this hat. With tons of Smokey the Bear/Sorting Hat/Arby’s Hat references, it could not go unnoticed. Yes, there’s a lot going on. But hey, maybe it’s the new version of the top hat? Pharrell always tries to be fashion-forward, and look, he’s the most talked about. The hat even has it’s own Twitter account. I will say this: when you can upstage two grown men dressed as robots, you win.

Natasha Bedingfield in Christian Siriano.

Natasha Bedingfield in Christian Siriano.

I didn’t know ABBA was getting back together?! Honeychild, what is this thing? For starters, the fabric looks cheap, the draping is super unflattering and I feel like this overall look ages her terribly. The pros are her makeup is flawless and I’m a pretty big fan of her stacked bangles, everything else is just a hot mess. Actually, from the side it’s just bad…from the front it’s something that belongs in a fire.

Miranda Lambert in Pamella Roland.

Miranda Lambert in Pamella Roland.

Miranda Lambert recently lost a lot of weight and wants to show it off. And man, does she show it off. I actually really like this ensemble. While part of me thinks it’s a BIT too formal for the Grammys (and her date, for that matter), I think it’s really working for her. I am also loving those earrings, they provide a great contrast against the mostly red ensemble (dress/shoes/bag) and definitely draw attention to her pretty face.

Ariana Grande in Dolce & Gabbana.

Ariana Grande in Dolce & Gabbana.

I don’t know who Ariana Grande is, but if she continues to dress like this there’s a high probability I’ll always know her as the girl who dresses like she’s 80 years old. Are those pantyhoes?? Look, I wear pantyhoes when it’s a polar vortex but girllll you’re in California. It’s warm there. There’s no need for that. Also the shoes don’t match the dress at all, which is why I’m confused she’d want to draw attention to them with that hemline. This is trying too hard to be Grease.

Kacey Musgraves in Armani Prive.

Kacey Musgraves in Armani Prive.

I had no idea who Kacey Musgraves was before the Grammys and I’ll probably forget about her as soon as I finish this paragraph. I appreciate this as a proper Grammys dress, it’s shimmery, it’s see-through, it’s princess-y. I really like the color with her pale skin, it looks almost ethereal. Is this her first award show? Because if so it’s a great debut. Apologies, I don’t watch any country music awards, so she might be a red carpet veteran and I’d never know.

Colbie Caillat in Ezra Santos.

Colbie Caillat in Ezra Santos.

This dress has really grown on me. When I first saw it, I really wasn’t a fan, but after looking at more pictures I’d say this is actually one of the top dresses of the night. I guess that doesn’t say much since no one really “wowed” but it was definitely a good effort. I love the subtle sexiness of the gap at her chest. If she didn’t have the top part, it’d be a classier version of Li’l Kim’s VMA look, and yet this really works on her. Love it, Colbie.

Phew. Okay. I think that essentially covers everything – an overall blah showing. Who was your best and worst dressed? I’d love to hear. See you in a few weeks for the BAFTAS!

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