#Kimye Wedding: A Numerical Recap From Someone Who Kan’t Kount

Okay, fine, so it’s not exactly a week late…but it’s close. We’ve been very busy over here. Look, we all know Kimye is the couple you love to hate (in my case, I hate the people but LOVE their shows/music). Judge me never. And yes, their wedding was completely over the top and….just plain weird at times…but I thought it’d be fun to break down this whole shenanigan by the numbers.

$500,000: That’s the rumored amount of Kim’s dress. While I have no idea what you have to do to have a dress that costs $500,000 unless it’s made of gold and moon rocks. I honestly wouldn’t put it past this couple to pay $500,000 for a $5,000 dress just so they could say they paid that amount. I will say that this dress is gorgeous, and probably the most normal thing I’ve seen Kim wear since dating Kanye.

All Kate Middleton in the front, all Pippa in the back.

All Kate Middleton in the front, all Pippa in the back.

200: The rumored number of guests who got to attend the wedding. While Kim’s second wedding to The Hump featured the likes of Ryan Seacrest, Dina and Lindsay Lohan and Demi Lovato, I’m actually going to go out on a limb and say she greatly improved with her third wedding, which featured the likes of Alexander Wang, Andre Leon Talley, John Legend and Chrissy Teigen. Legend even sang “At Last” as their first dance, which is loads better than Robin Thicke.

I mean, I'd hang out with them any day...

I mean, I’d hang out with them any day…

$136,000: Remember the pointless flower wall Kanye gave Kim for Mother’s Day? Well they spent more than a house downpayment to pay for a giant version of it. Who doesn’t love roses and peonies, but more than $100,000 on things that will die in two days? Look, I haven’t gotten married so I have no idea the costs of flowers, but someone fill me in – this has to be outrageous…right?

Do you think E! bought these photos or what?

Do you think E! bought these photos or what?

10: The number of Kardashian series regulars who made the guest list: Kim (obvi), Khloe, Kourtney, Scott, Kris, Bruce, Brandon, Leah, Kendall and Kylie. The kids don’t count. Noticeably absent? Brody (from “The Hills”) Jenner and Rob Kardashian. Rumor has it Kim was causing problems by not inviting Brody’s girlfriend and also chastised Rob for daring not to lose weight before her wedding. I am willing to bet these fights were part of the bonus program that helps fuel drama for the show.

Someone's getting his own episode arc..

Someone’s getting his own episode arc..

3: The amount of people with directions in their names. Kim changed all of her social media to Kardashian West. You have Kanye, and while North West (the person, not the region) should technically count on this list twice, she is only one person. As an avid KUWTK watcher, I remember Kim refused to change her last name to Humphries, thus proving my theory that as long as your bank account is big enough…I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger…

Did she not learn from Khloe?

Did she not learn from Khloe?

20: The amount of minutes Kanye spent talking nonsense during his wedding, where he reportedly went on a tirade about culture as a whole and how important everyone in said room was. E! reports he also said the Kardashian family was “the most remarkable people of our time… [who] make the world a better place.” Meanwhile, I’ve never wanted Taylor Swift to show up uninvited to a place more in my entire life, because somebody should have stopped the madness.

Probably how it looked.

Probably how it looked.

2: Number of European countries the wedding festivities took place in. The sneaky Kardashian-Wests had everyone convinced the actual thing would take place in Paris, but that was just the location of the bachelorette/Valentino wedding brunch/countless amounts of Kris Jenner Instagrams. The ACTUAL wedding took place in Florence (my favorite place ever) in a 16th century mansion that my parents have a giant painting of (because they’re huge Kimye fans).

We get it, Kris.

We get it, Kris.

1: The number of people who chose to wear a white Batman costume to the self-proclaimed wedding of the century. I know I really shouldn’t be surprised that Jaden Smith decided to wear this kind of ensemble (and pose with Joe Francis?), but I was under the impression that only the wedding party got to wear white. Does this mean he replaced Mason as the ring bearer? Because I guarantee that’s why Kourtney’s been distancing herself lately.

I just kan't...

I just kan’t…

0: The number of Beyonces at the ceremony, because Bey and Jay needed some time away to de-stress and going to a Kardashian function would be the exact opposite of it. Still, Beyonce took the time out of her busy schedule of being fabulous to Instagram some best wishes for the happy couple. But if we’re being honest with each other, it was probably her assistant’s doing.

Ugh, that Vogue shoot...

Ugh, that Vogue shoot…

0: The amount of leather masks at the wedding, which is a tragedy in itself.

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I’m kind of surprised this wasn’t part of the groom’s attire.

 

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